Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
