where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
