stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
