just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
