You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
