I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
