I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
