Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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