halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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