I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
