The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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