It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
