My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize