can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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