If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
