Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
