just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
