I am spending my child support on dildos
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
