imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
