i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
