Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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