doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
