Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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