You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
