Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I need to calm my uterus...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
