I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
