I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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