You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
