I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
