I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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