There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
