just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
