feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
