I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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