You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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