Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
