That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize