i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
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