She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
