I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
