Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My vagina is officially offended.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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