Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I can't turn off my feet"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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