Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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