Ambien. No doubt about it.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
