I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
