Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
