can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
