Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
If I die, sorry about rent.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He shit in the fireplace
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
