Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
