when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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