Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
