there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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