I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
