I seem to have left my pride at pride
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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