apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
