roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize