My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
