It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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