im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
