real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
