Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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