it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize