just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
