first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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