Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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