I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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