I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
