Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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