if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
