the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
