Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
