Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
