i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My friends, they love my intelligence
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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