she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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