Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
