remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
