I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
