I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
