Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
farters have to be the big spoon...
only if we run a train.
done.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
