my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
