the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize