If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
