I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize