uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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