I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
