God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
