So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
