that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
