You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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