I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize