i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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